Mending

Mending

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Once A Month Therapy

I must say that at my sickest point a few years ago, I never thought that I would want to go to counseling or even that I may enjoy it.  I love it!  I started by going every week for nearly a year.  Then cut back to about every other week.  Now at just under two years of constant and steady therapy I am down to once a month.  I want to go every week.  It's like going to church.  You go to church every week to be uplifted and have your mind enlightened.  Meeting with my therapist does the same thing for me.  To only be able to go once a month almost doesn't seem like enough.  It's weird.

Am I dependent on my counselor?  Yes!  He is one of the only people in my life who understands me and has been able to motivate me, help me think outside the box, and detoxify my life.  Sometimes though we become to dependent on our therapists.  I have, that's for sure.  I'm afraid that without him weekly in my life, that I'll slip back into depression or have to much anxiety.

My counselor has sent me to a retreat for women of childhood sexual abuse, to a 48 our class to become certified to help my peers.  He has got me into group therapy at a place here in the valley.  He has introduced me to, and encouraged me to read some awesome mental health books, and done EMDR with me.  He has been one of the best friends and helps in my life that I have ever had.

I am learning that I now have the tools to help myself, and that I only need occasional check ins with my therapist.  I am getting stronger and healthier.  This coming year my goal is to only go in once a month.  Of course, that is all pending on what happens within the year.  I am not afraid to go more frequently if things come up and help is needed.

I really have no idea where I am going with this entry.  Only to say that there is a time and place for everything and everyone in our lives.  I am grateful for what I have been given.  I know that with God's help, and the help of my counselor, I can and will do amazing things.

    

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Peace And Understanding

So recently that quote from David A. Bednar has been going through my mind.  Also this morning these two songs came to my mind.  I received a package from my sister Tamra full of pictures, death certificates, marriage certificates, and so on.  I opened it up and started to go through it and there was a picture of a baby sitting next to my cousin David, the one who molested me.  It was his sister.  The only picture I know of that exists of her.  She died at about 6 weeks old.  This was in 1964 when people didn’t take pictures like we do today.  It just wasn’t done.  I began crying and am crying still this morning.  I started to put pictures on Family Search on all my family that I now had pictures of who didn’t have a face to go with a name.  That felt awesome!  As I looked through the pictures I experienced many emotions.  Anger at how each generation screwed up their children so badly for several generations back.  Then sadness, understanding, and love.  I asked each of them, How could you do this?  I also asked What happened to you?  Why did you do what you did?  As I went back generation by generation I saw what happened.  I know their stories and their depression, and Trauma’s and horrific lives they were all forced to live.  I know who started it all, and I will be the one to end it all.  It stops here.  I will fight for and protect, and love my children like none of my ancestors ever did.  Then I think, they didn’t have the medication, or counselor, or gospel that I have.  They were spoiled brats, prostitutes, they smoked, drank, and had many men, or women in their lives.  They were selfish, depressed, and lonely people.  They had no one who truly loved or appreciated them.  I looked at those baby pictures, and the ones of all my ancestors as they were growing up, even David’s.  I had such compassion for them.  Such love and appreciation for them.  All that anger was swept away.  I have been given understanding, and am able to more fully forgive them.  I look forward to the day when I can embrace them in my arms and tell them I love them, and that I am so sorry for what they went through.  They all have the gospel now, all except David, and his day is coming very soon.  I feel a peace and love, an appreciation and understanding for so many things in my life, and theirs.  I may not be the one who started this awful mess that my family got themselves into, and allowed to keep rolling on from one generation to the next, but I can be the one to stop the insanity.  I am so grateful to God for bringing these songs, and quotes to my head to help me better flush it all out.  I am grateful for my trials and blessings.  One day I will see God.  One day I will hold him in my arms and cry and thank him for his love and support.  He truly never leaves me.   
“I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of his tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them….The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ….Faithfulness, obedience and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings….I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us….Each of us can have eyes to see clearly and ears to hear distinctly the tender mercies of the Lord as they strengthen and assist us in these latter days.”  David A. Bednar
I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies
I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
Bright (bright), bright (bright)
Bright sunshiny day
It's going to be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
1.                     1. Guide us, O thou great Jehovah,
Guide us to the promised land.
We are weak, but thou art able;
Hold us with thy pow'rful hand.
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit,
Feed us till the Savior comes,
Feed us till the Savior comes.
2.                     2. Open, Jesus, Zion's fountains;
Let her richest blessings come.
Let the fiery, cloudy pillar
Guard us to this holy home.
Great Redeemer, Great Redeemer,
Bring, oh, bring the welcome day,
Bring, oh, bring the welcome day!
3.                     3. When the earth begins to tremble,
Bid our fearful thoughts be still;
When thy judgments spread destruction,
Keep us safe on Zion's hill,
Singing praises, Singing praises,
Songs of glory unto thee,
Songs of glory unto thee.

         

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Spirals



At a stress and resiliency class I recently attended we talked about stress and how we spiral in and out of stress.

Starting at the outside of the spiral write ways, or things that spin you in to stress.

Becoming more stressed:
Some of mine were:  Kids saying things they shouldn't have in front of friends, embarrassment, humiliation, anger, worry, sadness, loss of hope, wanting to give up.

Starting at the inside of the spiral write ways, or things that spin you out of stress.

Becoming less stressed:
Some of mine were:  Counseling, prayer, sharing my fear with my friend, temple, fasting, studies, trusting God, sleep, baking, positive self-talk, meditation, exercise, coloring.  

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Interests-Goals-Skills-Abilities

I took a Youth in Transition class as part of my Certified Peer Support Specialist training.  It was an 8 hour class.  I learned so much.  One of the things we talked about is how people in recovery from either Mental Health issues or Substance Abuse issues need to make goals.  The word "Goals" can sound like work, or sound negative to someone who is trying to improve their life.  We talked about different words we could use.  One brought up in class was "Achievements".  So in other words what would you like to achieve?  This morning to my head came, What "skills and abilities" would you like to gain?  So you could ask them about their:  Interests, Goals, Achievements, Skills, Attributes and Abilities.  These can also be open ended questions, getting them to open up and speak about what is important to them.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Sleep

NOVEMBER 30, 2016

The Importance of Sleep for Survivors of Sexual Abuse

By helping us keep the world in perspective, sleep gives us a chance to refocus on the essence of who we are. And in that place of connection, it is easier for the fears and concerns of the world to drop away.
-Arianna Huffington-
Too often a lack of sleep is viewed as a badge of honor. That you’re so busy you couldn’t possibly waste your time on something as unimportant as sleep. “I’m so tired” is considered a battle cry for most people today.
Sleep is important. It’s a necessity. It can positively or negatively impact every aspect of you – from your health to your mental acuity to your attitude. It seems sleep is the first thing to go when we’re feeling busy or stressed.  For survivors of sexual abuse, sleep is particularly important to help you successfully manage triggering memories when they come. Unfortunately for survivors, sleep can be fleeting.
Reclaim your sleep! Feel the benefits of being well-rested. Below is a list of the things you should do at different times of the day to help you get the best sleep you can:
During the Day:
  • Avoid taking naps. Or, if you absolutely must take one, make sure that it’s for less than an hour and before 3pm.
  • Exercise. Regular exercise will help with good sleep, but try not to do any strenuous exercise in the 4 hours before bedtime.
  • Use a sleep diary. Record your sleep routine from the night before. What did you use to fall asleep? What worked? What didn’t work?
  • Wake up at the same time. Don’t sleep late after a restless night. It may be difficult, but you want to stay on schedule to keep your sleep patterns on track.
In the Evening:
  • Wind down. Before bedtime tell your body that sleep is coming. Spend the last hour before bed doing a calming activity like reading, drinking a cup of caffeine-free tee, meditating, doing relaxing stretches, or breathing exercises.
  • Dim the lights. Avoid bright lights in the evening. This includes the light from electronics as the illumination from the screens activates the brain.
  • Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. It’s best to avoid consuming any of these for at least 4 hours before going to bed. Alcohol is known to encourage the onset of sleep, but it disrupts sleep later when your body metabolizes the alcohol.
  • Eat right. A healthy, balanced diet will help you to sleep well, but timing is important. An empty stomach can be distracting, but a heavy meal too close to bedtime can be just as detrimental to sleep.
  • Stay positive. The more anxious you are, the more cortisol you’ll release into your body and the less likely you are to be able to sleep. Give yourself permission to let go of those negative thoughts. Put them away until tomorrow and instead focus on positive declarations that focus on feeling calm, peaceful, and sleeping well.
  • Set a bedtime. One of the best ways to train your body to sleep well is to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends and days off.
Bedtime
  • Only sleep in your bed. Try not to use your bed for anything other than sleeping, so that your body associates bed with sleep. If you use your bed for everyday activities (like watching TV or paying bills) your body will connect your bed with being awake and alert.
  • Create the right space. It’s important that your bedroom is quiet and comfortable for sleeping. Design your sleep environment to be cool, quiet, and dark.
  • Don’t watch the clock. Frequently checking the clock through the night can wake you up and will reinforce negative thoughts and increase anxiety.
  • Don’t fight with sleep. If you’re wide awake, get out of bed and try again. Do something calming or boring until you feel sleepy, then return to bed. Don’t do anything too stimulating or interesting.
A good night’s sleep will benefit you more than you may realize. Make sleeping well a priority and you’ll soon see how much it will help you on your healing journey.
http://youniquefoundation.org/importance-sleep-survivors-sexual-abuse/


Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Gratitude

Gratitude, the practice of being thankful, has significant benefits for children. 

Gratitude can:
Boost overall well-being
Enhance group/team morale
Improve friendships
Protect from negative emotions associated with loss or stress
Encourage better grades
Improve pro-social behavior
Help promote good sleep

Practicing gratitude can be as simple as asking your child daily, "What are you thankful for today?" 


Teresa Handy M.S. Licensed School Counselor

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Bird Cage

If you doubt your ability to make a life-altering decision, to take on a daring aspiration, or to fend for yourself after many years, consider this:  Surely, if a bird with healthy wings is locked in a cage long enough, she will doubt her ability to fly.  --  Sandra Kring

Friday, November 18, 2016

Taking Car of Oneself

Do something special for yourself:  I am getting my brows waxed today.

Do something that gives you space from the tensions and chaos of life:  I get in my truck once a week and go for a ride.

Do something that engages your creativity or talents that gives you meaning and purpose:  I play the piano and sew.

Do something that you enjoy or relaxes you:  Meditation with The Honest Guys You Tube.

Do something that takes some of the chaos out of your life and gives you a sense of control:  I have a daily routine, for each day of the week.

Do something that cuts over against old negative self-talk:  I have a vision board with pictures of me on it.

Do something that connects you with other people:  I go to group therapy and I try to call my siblings.

Do something that connects you with your Higher Power:  I attend church, go to the temple, read my scriptures,  and pray.

Do something that symbolizes a new decision you have made about how you are going to live:  I put on make-up, jewelry, and perfume each day.

Do something that enables you to give of yourself to someone else:  I bake and share the good I prepare.

Do something that prevents old patterns from setting in:  I keep my commitments, and go outside my comfort zone.

Do something that challenges your thinking:  I am working on a jigsaw puzzle, I don't like jigsaw puzzles.

Do something that helps you reflect regularly on your life:  I keep a personal journal, study journal, and blog.

Do something that keeps you healthy:  I work out 15 to 20 minutes a day.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Certified Peer Support Specialist

Last week I took a class.  It was a 40 hour class to become a Certified Peer Support Specialist.  I learned so much about myself and my mental illness, and recovery.  The following are some of the Tasks or Duties and Qualifications for a CPSS:

Tasks/duties
The peer will:
·        Work collaboratively with clients, co-workers and the community.
·        Advocate on behalf of clients and help clients to navigate the health and social services systems.
·        Work closely with clients to address problems and answer questions, gather and provide information and advice, and  connect  clients  to  resources  and  to the  community.  
·        Meet clients both in the hospital and in the community.
·        Initiate, establish and maintain relationships with clients while developing trust and rapport.
·        Act as a coach and mentor, and help clients to set goals and work toward developing skills.
·        Share and discuss common experiences with clients.
·        Help to build a collective sense of community for clients, and help clients to create meaningful lives in the community.
·        Be responsible for planning, organizing, developing, leading and facilitating group activities, including education and awareness building efforts.
·        Complete administrative duties, such as sending and receiving email and telephone calls, and completing required documentation. 
·        Communicate and work collaboratively with team members, attend team meetings, and meet with supervisors to discuss performance.

Qualifications
Candidates must have:
·        Experience of mental health and/ or addiction problems.

They should have:
·        Knowledge/familiarity of the mental health and social service systems, and an understanding of client rights.
·        Possess a holistic perspective of health.
·        The ability to work effectively in a wide range of settings with people from diverse backgrounds, including clients and co-workers.
·        Be comfortable working either one-on-one or in group settings.
·        Excellent interpersonal skills and should be able to adapt to changing situations.
·        Active involvement in the community and a willingness to collaborate with others. Excellent communication skills.
·        Comfort with public speaking and facilitation of group workshops or activities.
·        Comfort coaching others
·        Negotiation skills.
·        Organizational skills.
·        Some experience planning and designing events and activities.

This job description suggests that candidates for the peer position require more than experience with mental health and/or addiction problems and familiarity with the mental health and social service systems through which clients must navigate. Expectations of the job indicate that strong communication skills are of paramount importance to the position. Because of the collaborative nature of the position, peers must be able to work in changing situations with a diverse group of people, interacting either in groups or individually. They should be actively involved in the community and willing to take on leadership and public speaking activities. Coaching and negotiation skills are assets for this position, as are planning, organization and computer skills. These job requirements describe the high level of skills necessary to be an effective peer support worker.  They also highlight the areas in which there are opportunities for training for peer support workers before they enter their positions as well as ongoing training to help them hone their skills.
It is also important to note that although job descriptions are extremely useful, they should not be considered fixed. Programs must be prepared to assess and reassess their own needs and local context, including the skills and experience of the peer workforce. Peer programming will evolve, as will the individuals employed as peers, and job descriptions should be adjusted to reflect this evolution. The job description in this article may not be appropriate for all settings, but it will contribute to a better understanding of the peer support worker position, the skills required, and the types of expectations that could define successful fulfillment of the role.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

The Way Life Is

1.  Everyone has the ability to learn and grow.
Being diagnosed with a mental illness/substance use disorder does not take away the ability to learn and grow;  people can recover and move on with their lives.

2.  People's beliefs determine their behavior.
What a person believes about herself, because she is diagnosed with a mental illness or substance use disorder, is the most important determinant of her success in creating the life he or she wants.

3.  People think their way through life.
Being diagnosed with a mental illness/substance use disorder does not take away the ability to think strategically and creatively.

4.  Whatever people focus on, they give power to.
While symptoms and "disability" bring people in for services, the focus needs to shift to wellness and strengths as soon as possible.

5.  Life's experiences are the best teacher.
Your recovery experience is your greatest gift to your peers.

Recovery is the process of gaining control over one's life - and the direction one wants that life to go - on the other side of a psychiatric or substance use disorder diagnosis and all of the losses usually associated with that diagnosis.

Hope is the belief that one has both the ability and the opportunity to engage in the recovery process.

USU Peer Specialist Certification Training Program

Sunday, November 6, 2016

I Am A Tree

I am a tree.  My roots and trunk (core) have always been weak, fragile, not strong enough to hold up my branches (self, friends, family).  I have been so blessed in the past 3 plus years to have a best friend who has patiently guided me onto a very good path.  I have been given the best counselor who ever existed to teach me and listen and guide me to being a stronger person.  I have been given a retreat that pushed me so far, in a 4 day span, in the right direction that I have been able to finally accept and love myself.  I have been given other counseling and classes through the area that I live in.  Now I am privileged to get to attend and become certified to help others who are on a similar path to me.  My roots and trunk are being strengthened and made so strong.  Sometimes they weaken and need nourishment, but they are stronger than they have ever been.  I am able to hold myself, family, and friends up.  It feels so good no not be that sick and withered tree anymore.  If feels amazing to be strong and powerful and healthy.  I must tend to my roots or I will wither again.  I must take care of myself so I can remain healthy and strong.


Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Hugs


Each month my children's school sends home a paper with what is going on that month and there is always a Counselor's note.  I really liked this one. 

Hugs--why we need them 

Hugging can be described as a handshake from the heart.  The simple action of embracing creates feel-good energy for both the giver and recipient.  Science has been looking into its positive effects, and numerous studies related to hugging show that hugging is a crucial part of human development.

Hugging is Heart Healthy:  Embracing activates the hormone oxytocin, which makes us feel all warm and fuzzy.  Give your heart a boost with some hugs.

Hugging Reduces Stress Naturally:  If you are feeling a bit drained or pressured, find someone you care about and give them an all-enveloping hug.  Research has found that embracing reduces the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) in our bodies, releasing tension and sending calming messages to the brain.  Quick fix for relieving stress -- a hug.  

Hugging Babies Helps Them Become Well - Adjusted Adults:  Touch is critical to infants, especially in their early stages of life, as it helps them bond with others as they get older.  Hugging and showing affection are important for a baby's development.  

Hugging is Important For Adults Too:  Physical touch and hugging can combat feelings of loneliness that arise as people get older.  Seniors can improve their well - being with a tender embrace.  

Hugging Can Regenerate Muscles:  An experiment performed on mice found that older mice who were injected with oxytocin regenerated their muscles faster, matching the regeneration rate of younger mice.  Add hugs to your workout.  

Hugging Can Make You a More Mindful and Present Person:  Being in the present moment has been shown to increase happiness, and this simple meditation is a great way to combine mindfulness with a powerful dose of oxytocin.  Try the hugging meditation to center and connect.  

Hugging Can Minimize Fears:  A study on fears and self-esteem looked into the connection between human touch and reducing the fear of mortality.  Hugging can help alleviate fears.

Hugging For Longer Periods of Time is Better for the Body:  When people hug for 20 seconds or more, the feel-good hormone oxytocin is released which creates a stronger bond and connection between the huggers. Oxytocin has been shown to boost the immune system and reduce stress.

Teresa Handy


Sunday, October 30, 2016

Sunshine Smile


A smile is like the sunshine; 
It brightens up the day.  
It gives the eye a twinkle 
And chases frowns away.

Words:  Anna Johnson 
Music: Grietje Tergurg Rowley
LDS Children's Songbook Pg. 267

Each morning I listen to or read a church hymn, and if it has a scripture to go along with it I read that too.  This mornings song just felt like warmth to me.  I pictured the warm sun on my face and how it always makes me feel so happy.  When we smile at someone or something it brings a joy to our lives, cheers our hearts, and brightens the day.    


Saturday, October 29, 2016

Empowering Kids to Prevent Child Abuse and Neglect



From Kids Empowered

Our local elementary school teaches children about abuse.  Here are some of the things they teach.  I thought they were useful statements.

1.  It's my body!  I have the right to keep it safe.
2.  No one has the right to hurt or harm a child.
3.  Certain parts of the body are private.
4.  There are appropriate and inappropriate touches.
5.  Bad secrets are secrets that should never be kept.
6.  Child abuse is never a child's fault.

 http://kidsempowered.com/

Monday, October 24, 2016

3 Legged Stool


While reading in Love and Logic this week I came across the 3 Legged Stool.

Leg 1 -- I am loved by the "Magical People" in my life.

Leg 2 --  I have the skills I need to make it.

Leg 3 -- I am capable of taking control of my life.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

My Favorite Letter


My friend and I were discussing our favorite letters the other day.  I really didn't know what my favorite letter was.  Never really thought about it I guess.  I'm a slow thinker.  What I mean is I like to really think things through.  Then it came to me.  I like the letter "S".  Why S?  S stands for Superman.  I have a few Supermen in my life.  They have helped me in ways that no one else ever could or would.  

Person #1:  My best friend.  He has given me spiritual advice and counseled me in ways that have made me think about my life and decisions and who I want to be.  Because of him I have changed for the better and made happier choices in my life.

Person #2:  My counselor.  I've been in and out of counseling since I was 13 years old.  I am currently 45.  Only for the nearly two years since I started with this counselor have I been able to get past the trauma and hard things I've had to deal with in life and move on.  He has taken me to a new level of living.  He challenges me and helps me desire to improve and be strong.

Person #3:  My husband.  He has provided financially for me for almost 27 years now.  He has helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.  He has been patient and tolerant of me when that was not an easy thing to do.  He continues to show forth love and support.


Person #4:  My father.  He created me.  He raised me for 18 years.  He became one of my best friends.  He was always there to help me, hold me, and love me.  My daddy is no longer living, but you don't have to be alive to be someone's hero.


These 4 men are my Supermen.  Each one has helped me in ways that I don't think they are even aware of.  They are so awesome!  My hero's!  God has given me the best and I thank him for that!

  



Like A Lion


A lion is:
A Leader
Decisive
Not Afraid
A Protector
Strong
Brave
Courageous
A Fighter
Powerful
 Keeps Things Balanced

This came into my mind the other morning.  I thought on it for a few days.  I believe a lion describes who I want to be.  I've never had a favorite animal, but I think I do now.  


Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance:
Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe that they are helping people with their "constructive criticism" or taking over a project because "no one else will do it right."
They don't see their controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on--their own anxiety has run amuck.
Irrational thoughts abound in our high stress world: If I don't get this contract, I'll get fired. If I'm not home by 6:00, I'm a terrible parent. If I don't get that raise, I suck at my job.  All of these thoughts might be true, but probably not.

Rather than tackle our own irrational thinking and massage it into more realistic thinking, we attempt to control the situation, usually by trying to control other people.
Want to know if you're a control freak? Here are eight signs for your self-diagnosing pleasure.
1.            You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you'd be happier. So you try to "help them" change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
2.     You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don't believe in imperfection and you don't think anyone else should either.
3.     You judge others' behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.
4.     You offer "constructive criticism" as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.
5.     You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you.
6.     You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.
7.     You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.
8.     You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others.
You believe that if you can change another person's undesirable behavior, then you will be happier or more fulfilled. You make someone else responsible for how you feel.
The thing is, you are only responsible for you. The road to better relationships always starts with you. Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version of yourself. Here are a few ideas:
·        Be vulnerable with people.
·        Never compromise your self-respect by altering your core beliefs. 
·        Be realistic about your expectations of others. 
·        Quit the passive-aggressive nonsense--be direct. 
·        Accept that a large portion of life is laced with unknowns. 
·        Embrace confrontation--it really is sometimes the only thing you can do. 
·        Take responsibility for your own happiness.
If you work on your own improvement instead of trying to control others, healthier relationships at work, as well as everywhere else, will then come to you as a result.

Most pain (stress, depression, frustration, anxiety) could be eliminated by letting go of desires.

Our greatest desires are for spiritual growth and service to others.

Most negative emotions come from our strong reactions (anger, sadness or frustration) to life not going the way we want.

Practice acceptance of things as they actually are.

Do not have to totally resign, but have courage to change the things we can.

Accept things I can’t change.  Have courage to change what I can.  Know the difference.

Don’t resist accepting present reality with a positive attitude.

You have limited control over other people and events.

Spirituality and inner peace first.

Go with the flow, don’t resist the current.  Bounce back.  Cope gracefully with frustrations.

Be a cork in the river.

Guilt ~ Anxiety ~ Inadequacies ~ Past ~ Present Limitations ~ Anger About Others Behavior

Anger = judging others behavior – Vain wish to control our environment.

Delete should or should not, replace with I wish.

Look on others with compassion and try to understand their point of view.

Anxiety = cannot accept that unpleasant things can happen that I do not desire.

Accept and surrender = relax and enjoy.

Do not be self-critical or compare yourself to others = become more effective in your behaviors.

Let go and live well.

Unnecessary distress = making repeated mistakes = inner fantasies.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.

Upsetting situations = Practice radical acceptance.
1.  Tantrums
2.  Messes/chores
3.  Punctual/on time
Russ Seigneberg The Recovery Tool Kit

Acceptance = peace.  Accepting Reality.
Pray to the Lord for knowledge and spiritual strength.
Selfish desires.
Men are that they might have joy, not frustration, sadness, depression, anxiety or anger!
Being a control freak does not allow others to feel like they can use their agency.
Don’t allow your thoughts to make you miserable.
Accept the truth. 
Truth and light.  Hope and faith. 
The Lord will provide a way, if it is his will. 
Use your intelligence and ability (act) to find solutions (to problems or questions).
Whom I love I chasten.
Experiences for your good.  Grow from them.
See things clearly with an unprejudiced mind.
Show forth love to those who afflict us.
Faith and humility.
Spirit of charity.
Heart’s right toward others = inner peace.
Acceptance changes undesirable emotions.
Sad or upset does not change anything.
Solution triangle = Control, Accept, Change.
Little power over – fantasy – accept – changes – steps – fears or negative ideas.
Patience and vision, then act.
Practice.  Things take time to achieve.  Persistence.  

Russ Seigenberg The Gospel Tool Kit