I have been more emotional over the past almost two years than I have ever been my entire life. I used to express my emotions by just being angry. Sometimes I would just be quiet. Since being in counseling and talking about and working through my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other stresses in my life I think I have experience or am experiencing all the emotions that I held in for the 44 years prior to counseling.
As I have thought on this in the past couple of days and wondering why I can't control myself as well as I used to I think I have a reason. The doors were closed all that time, the flood gates just held back all that stuff. I feel as if the double doors have been opened wide or the flood gates opened to full capacity.
I am finally being let out of the "room" I've been in all my life that there was no way out of. Maybe you could say the lake was full to overflowing and the dam flood gates were finally opened to let out some of the water or pressure that was behind them.
It's me running out of that room. I'm the water flushing through those flood gates after being held back for so long.
It's ok for me to go through all these emotions. It's ok for me to let them all out. For the first time in my life I am able to feel and express my inner self.
I feel free to run. I am finding out who I am and who I want to be.