Spirals

At a stress and resiliency class I recently attended we talked about stress and how we spiral in and out of stress.

Starting at the outside of the spiral write ways, or things that spin you in to stress.

Becoming more stressed:
Some of mine were:  Kids saying things they shouldn't have in front of friends, embarrassment, humiliation, anger, worry, sadness, loss of hope, wanting to give up.

Starting at the inside of the spiral write ways, or things that spin you out of stress.

Becoming less stressed:
Some of mine were:  Counseling, prayer, sharing my fear with my friend, temple, fasting, studies, trusting God, sleep, baking, positive self-talk, meditation, exercise, coloring.  

I Am A Tree

I am a tree.  My roots and trunk (core) have always been weak, fragile, not strong enough to hold up my branches (self, friends, family).  I have been so blessed in the past 3 plus years to have a best friend who has patiently guided me onto a very good path.  I have been given the best counselor who ever existed to teach me and listen and guide me to being a stronger person.  I have been given a retreat that pushed me so far, in a 4 day span, in the right direction that I have been able to finally accept and love myself.  I have been given other counseling and classes through the area that I live in.  Now I am privileged to get to attend and become certified to help others who are on a similar path to me.  My roots and trunk are being strengthened and made so strong.  Sometimes they weaken and need nourishment, but they are stronger than they have ever been.  I am able to hold myself, family, and friends up.  It feels so good no not be that sick and withered tree anymore.  If feels amazing to be strong and powerful and healthy.  I must tend to my roots or I will wither again.  I must take care of myself so I can remain healthy and strong.

Sunshine Smile

A smile is like the sunshine; 

It brightens up the day.  

It gives the eye a twinkle 

And chases frowns away.

Words:  Anna Johnson 

Music: Grietje Tergurg Rowley

LDS Children's Songbook Pg. 267

Each morning I listen to or read a church hymn, and if it has a scripture to go along with it I read that too.  This mornings song just felt like warmth to me.  I pictured the warm sun on my face and how it always makes me feel so happy.  When we smile at someone or something it brings a joy to our lives, cheers our hearts, and brightens the day.    

My Favorite Letter

My friend and I were discussing our favorite letters the other day.  I really didn't know what my favorite letter was.  Never really thought about it I guess.  I'm a slow thinker.  What I mean is I like to really think things through.  I process and analyze everything.  Then it came to me.  I like the letter "S".  Why S?  S stands for Superman.  I have a few Supermen in my life.  They have helped me in ways that no one else ever could or would.  

Person #1:  My best friend.  He has given me spiritual advice and counseled me in ways that have made me think about my life and decisions and who I want to be.  Because of him I have changed for the better and made happier choices in my life.

Person #2:  My counselor.  I've been in and out of counseling since I was 13 years old.  I am currently 45.  Only for the nearly two years since I started with this counselor have I been able to get past the trauma and hard things I've had to deal with in life and move on.  He has taken me to a new level of living.  He challenges me and helps me desire to improve and be strong.

Person #3:  My husband.  He has provided financially for me for almost 27 years now.  He has helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.  He has been patient and tolerant of me when that was not an easy thing to do.  He continues to show forth love and support.

Person #4:  My father.  He created me.  He raised me for 18 years.  He became one of my best friends.  He was always there to help me, hold me, and love me.  My daddy is no longer living, but you don't have to be alive to be someone's hero.

Person #5:  My Sensei.  He has helped me to love myself, to gain confidence, to learn to be in front of people, to feel empowered.  He guides and leads me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  This amazing man has helped me to rid myself of so much fear in my life.    

These 5 men are my Supermen.  Each one has helped me in ways that I don't think they are even aware of.  They are so awesome!  My hero's!  God has given me the best and I thank him for that!

  

Like A Lion

A lion is:

A Leader

Decisive

Not Afraid

A Protector

Strong

Brave

Courageous

A Fighter

Powerful

 Keeps Things Balanced

This came into my mind the other morning.  I thought on it for a few days.  I believe a lion describes who I want to be.  I've never had a favorite animal, but I think I do now.  

Wonder Woman

So last week in group therapy we did sand trays.  I love this type of therapy.  Well I don't have a sand tray yet, so I took my Zen Garden and made it into my sand tray for this week.  

Last Halloween a friend of mine asked me what I was going to dress up as.  I said, myself I guess.  He said, Oh Wonder Woman.  I've thought a lot about that statement.  

I was at McDonald's last week with my little ones and they had this action figure there for the Happy Meals, so I bought it.  I wasn't sure at the time exactly what I would do with her, but I knew what she meant to me.

To me being called Wonder Woman means I am strong, smart, have great strength, durability, and can do anything I set my mind to.  

I Can Do Hard Things

I can't stand doing puzzles.  They irritate me!  Besides that I just don't see the pieces and how they go together.  So I decided that I wanted to do something hard.  I went to the dollar store and got a 650 piece puzzle.  I won't let anyone help me.  This is so frustratingly hard for me.  I only work on it until I feel anxiety starting and then I walk away and find another activity.  I guess I just need to prove to myself that I can do things that I find impossibly difficult.  I'm stepping out of my comfort zone to do this.  Sometimes we just need to prove to ourselves that something is not beyond us, or our abilities.

Coloring

I know to help with anxiety it is suggested to color.  There are lots of adult coloring books out there, but the designs are to intense for me.  The thing that is supposed to be calming puts me into an anxiety attack.  I have Vestibular Meniere's Disease.  I have a hard time with patterns.  So I have been wanting to do the coloring as a way to be mindful/grounded and at peace and calm, but hadn't found a way.  Then the light bulb went on in my head.  My little ones have lots of coloring books.  The pictures in those are much bigger.  So I started coloring.  I like the pictures that describe how I'm feeling like from the movie Inside Out, or Frozen, or The Care Bears.  I do find that coloring brings my mind to a safe and happy place.  I've even put it into my schedule once a week.  

My Truck

My truck makes me feel big and powerful.  No one can hurt me in my truck.  Like me my truck was once brand new.  It has taken some abuse in the form of dents, scratches, and normal wear and tear.  If I don't continue to put fuel in the tank and fix my truck a little at a time it will one day stop working.  It's the same with me.  I must constantly be putting good into my brain, and working on fixing myself up one day at a time, so that I don't shut down and stop functioning in a normal way.

My Happy Place

Went for a drive up one of  the nearby canyons this morning.  The sound of the stream, the smell of the fresh canyon air, the beauty of the trees & leaves.  Found so much peace and calm there.

Try Something Different

This morning I was in a sadness and loneliness that I just couldn't get out of.  I tried a bunch of things including going to my safe place, but couldn't even really be there.  I decided to set a few goals for the day.  I think I've accomplished all but one thus far.  One of them was to go for a walk.  It was only a short walk about 1 1/2 miles, but for me that's a big deal.  I want to be healthy and exercise, but my body and mind say no way.  Anyways going on the walk actually snapped me out of it.  I walked slow and talked my way out of the sadness.  I guess my point is, when something doesn't work for you, even if it usually does, try something else.    

Let It Go And Find Joy Today

Letting things go is hard to do.  Finding joy is hard to do.  I like these two characters and what they represent in my life.

Joy is what I strive to be like.  Happy, smiling, cheerful, and positive.

Elsa finally lets things go.  I am trying to let go of anger, frustration, anxiety, stress, depression, and the trauma of the past.

Each day as I look at these two figures I say to myself, "Let it go and find joy today".  The more I let go of the negative in my life, the more happiness, peace, and joy I have.

Telling Others

So I texted my friend and told him what I was going through.  Not a lot of details, just enough so he would have an idea of what was going on in my mind.  I asked him to pray for me.

When we tell others that we are depressed, or having anxiety it can help.  So since he mentioned to me that telling other people does help. I got online and talked to one of my sister friends.  She understands depression as she herself has it.  She supported me and it felt good getting it off my shoulders.  Then later in conversation with a long time friend I told him what was going on.

Sometimes we are afraid to tell others.  I always am.  I worry they will think I am weird or not worth having in their lives.  Most people don't feel that way.  I'm so grateful for my counselor and three friends who helped me through my depression last night.

I woke this morning feeling good and more positive.

Be sure to share with someone when you are feeling down.      

Gratitude

Part of my therapy last night for my depressive episode was to take some time listing how my Father in Heaven has blessed my life the past few years.  Also I was to spend some time in prayer expressing gratitude to God for all his help in my life.

Expressing gratitude is so awesome.  Listing it out on paper or on the computer makes it visible and real.  Praying to God and thanking him for all his help makes you realize just how much he loves you and is involved in your life.

As I think about the blessings and help received from the Lord it pulls me up and out of myself.  God has been in the details, the small, very small details of my life.  Things that no one else would even notice.

I'll share with you a few of my blessings and helps from the Lord:
A best friend who is always there to lift, support, and help me.
A counselor who has been patient and kind, who helps me to think outside the box.
Time to attend the temple each week.
I've had a greater desire to study the scriptures, and as I ask for the ability to get them done each day, I am granted that blessing.
Food and money to pay bills even when my husband was out of work.  

Just a few examples.  Take a moment to think about your blessings and how the Lord has helped you.  It's a great feeling as you realize just how much your Father in Heaven loves and cares for you.  

Safe Place

My safe places are mostly made up places in my head.  Some of them are real.  Here are some examples.  The beach, the temple, the cabin on the porch swing, my counselor's office.  Sometimes I can physically or actually go there, and sometimes I can't.  Last night I went to my safe place at the cabin.  To get there I find a quiet place all by myself.  I gently tap on my knees, alternating taps.  As I do this I think of me at my safe place.  I take several deep breaths in my nose and exhale out my mouth slowly as I go there.  I allow myself to just be safe, quiet, and have peace while there.  I use all my senses to make being there more real.  I try to smell the woods at the cabin.  I feel the cool crisp air on my face and coming into my lungs.  I see trees, meadow grass, the horses in the fenced area across from the cabin.  I imagine I have a hoodie on and a blanket over my legs.  I feel the swing swaying back and forth.  I sway with it.  I like to always have someone there at the cabin on the swing with me.  They have there arm around me telling me that it's all going to work out, it will be ok.  They tell me I am safe.  Sometimes I even imagine there is a little table next to the swing and I have a cup of hot cocoa sitting there steaming.  When it's time to come back or leave my safe place I always say to my friend, I have to go now.  I start the slow, deep breathing again.  I stop swaying on the swing.  I slowly open my eyes.  When I do I feel so much more peaceful, safe, and secure.  I am then able to put away all my negative stuff and save it for the next time I see my counselor.  

 

 

Negative Jar

Had a bit of a negative episode last night.  It's been coming on for a week. I made a negative jar to put away all the bad thoughts so that I don't have to deal with them until I am in session with my counselor.  Then they can come out and be worked on and through.  However, I don't put them away until after I've been to my safe place. I have a few safe places that I can choose to go to.

Cookies

Could use cookies, cakes, or even pencil and paper for that matter.  We used cookies.  Sugar cookies and our choices of frosting were blue and white.  There were several bowls of candies on the table as well.  We were each to take two cookies and decorate one of them with how we were currently feeling, and the other with how we want to feel in the future.  Both of mine had m&m's on them with smiley faces.  I am currently happy in my life, don't get me wrong, I am having one of the hardest trials of my life, but in comparison to how I was 3 years ago, or even 2 months ago, I am so happy. The cookie that was to represent my future was a happy and smiley face as well.  In my future I see an even greater amount of joy and happiness.  So if you had to decorate two cookies what would they look like, the now and the future?