Mending

Mending

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Sunshine Smile


A smile is like the sunshine; 
It brightens up the day.  
It gives the eye a twinkle 
And chases frowns away.

Words:  Anna Johnson 
Music: Grietje Tergurg Rowley
LDS Children's Songbook Pg. 267

Each morning I listen to or read a church hymn, and if it has a scripture to go along with it I read that too.  This mornings song just felt like warmth to me.  I pictured the warm sun on my face and how it always makes me feel so happy.  When we smile at someone or something it brings a joy to our lives, cheers our hearts, and brightens the day.    


Saturday, October 29, 2016

Empowering Kids to Prevent Child Abuse and Neglect



From Kids Empowered

Our local elementary school teaches children about abuse.  Here are some of the things they teach.  I thought they were useful statements.

1.  It's my body!  I have the right to keep it safe.
2.  No one has the right to hurt or harm a child.
3.  Certain parts of the body are private.
4.  There are appropriate and inappropriate touches.
5.  Bad secrets are secrets that should never be kept.
6.  Child abuse is never a child's fault.

 http://kidsempowered.com/

Monday, October 24, 2016

3 Legged Stool


While reading in Love and Logic this week I came across the 3 Legged Stool.

Leg 1 -- I am loved by the "Magical People" in my life.

Leg 2 --  I have the skills I need to make it.

Leg 3 -- I am capable of taking control of my life.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

My Favorite Letter


My friend and I were discussing our favorite letters the other day.  I really didn't know what my favorite letter was.  Never really thought about it I guess.  I'm a slow thinker.  What I mean is I like to really think things through.  Then it came to me.  I like the letter "S".  Why S?  S stands for Superman.  I have a few Supermen in my life.  They have helped me in ways that no one else ever could or would.  

Person #1:  My best friend.  He has given me spiritual advice and counseled me in ways that have made me think about my life and decisions and who I want to be.  Because of him I have changed for the better and made happier choices in my life.

Person #2:  My counselor.  I've been in and out of counseling since I was 13 years old.  I am currently 45.  Only for the nearly two years since I started with this counselor have I been able to get past the trauma and hard things I've had to deal with in life and move on.  He has taken me to a new level of living.  He challenges me and helps me desire to improve and be strong.

Person #3:  My husband.  He has provided financially for me for almost 27 years now.  He has helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.  He has been patient and tolerant of me when that was not an easy thing to do.  He continues to show forth love and support.


Person #4:  My father.  He created me.  He raised me for 18 years.  He became one of my best friends.  He was always there to help me, hold me, and love me.  My daddy is no longer living, but you don't have to be alive to be someone's hero.


These 4 men are my Supermen.  Each one has helped me in ways that I don't think they are even aware of.  They are so awesome!  My hero's!  God has given me the best and I thank him for that!

  



Like A Lion


A lion is:
A Leader
Decisive
Not Afraid
A Protector
Strong
Brave
Courageous
A Fighter
Powerful
 Keeps Things Balanced

This came into my mind the other morning.  I thought on it for a few days.  I believe a lion describes who I want to be.  I've never had a favorite animal, but I think I do now.  


Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance:
Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe that they are helping people with their "constructive criticism" or taking over a project because "no one else will do it right."
They don't see their controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on--their own anxiety has run amuck.
Irrational thoughts abound in our high stress world: If I don't get this contract, I'll get fired. If I'm not home by 6:00, I'm a terrible parent. If I don't get that raise, I suck at my job.  All of these thoughts might be true, but probably not.

Rather than tackle our own irrational thinking and massage it into more realistic thinking, we attempt to control the situation, usually by trying to control other people.
Want to know if you're a control freak? Here are eight signs for your self-diagnosing pleasure.
1.            You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you'd be happier. So you try to "help them" change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
2.     You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don't believe in imperfection and you don't think anyone else should either.
3.     You judge others' behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.
4.     You offer "constructive criticism" as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.
5.     You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you.
6.     You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.
7.     You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.
8.     You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others.
You believe that if you can change another person's undesirable behavior, then you will be happier or more fulfilled. You make someone else responsible for how you feel.
The thing is, you are only responsible for you. The road to better relationships always starts with you. Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version of yourself. Here are a few ideas:
·        Be vulnerable with people.
·        Never compromise your self-respect by altering your core beliefs. 
·        Be realistic about your expectations of others. 
·        Quit the passive-aggressive nonsense--be direct. 
·        Accept that a large portion of life is laced with unknowns. 
·        Embrace confrontation--it really is sometimes the only thing you can do. 
·        Take responsibility for your own happiness.
If you work on your own improvement instead of trying to control others, healthier relationships at work, as well as everywhere else, will then come to you as a result.

Most pain (stress, depression, frustration, anxiety) could be eliminated by letting go of desires.

Our greatest desires are for spiritual growth and service to others.

Most negative emotions come from our strong reactions (anger, sadness or frustration) to life not going the way we want.

Practice acceptance of things as they actually are.

Do not have to totally resign, but have courage to change the things we can.

Accept things I can’t change.  Have courage to change what I can.  Know the difference.

Don’t resist accepting present reality with a positive attitude.

You have limited control over other people and events.

Spirituality and inner peace first.

Go with the flow, don’t resist the current.  Bounce back.  Cope gracefully with frustrations.

Be a cork in the river.

Guilt ~ Anxiety ~ Inadequacies ~ Past ~ Present Limitations ~ Anger About Others Behavior

Anger = judging others behavior – Vain wish to control our environment.

Delete should or should not, replace with I wish.

Look on others with compassion and try to understand their point of view.

Anxiety = cannot accept that unpleasant things can happen that I do not desire.

Accept and surrender = relax and enjoy.

Do not be self-critical or compare yourself to others = become more effective in your behaviors.

Let go and live well.

Unnecessary distress = making repeated mistakes = inner fantasies.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.

Upsetting situations = Practice radical acceptance.
1.  Tantrums
2.  Messes/chores
3.  Punctual/on time
Russ Seigneberg The Recovery Tool Kit

Acceptance = peace.  Accepting Reality.
Pray to the Lord for knowledge and spiritual strength.
Selfish desires.
Men are that they might have joy, not frustration, sadness, depression, anxiety or anger!
Being a control freak does not allow others to feel like they can use their agency.
Don’t allow your thoughts to make you miserable.
Accept the truth. 
Truth and light.  Hope and faith. 
The Lord will provide a way, if it is his will. 
Use your intelligence and ability (act) to find solutions (to problems or questions).
Whom I love I chasten.
Experiences for your good.  Grow from them.
See things clearly with an unprejudiced mind.
Show forth love to those who afflict us.
Faith and humility.
Spirit of charity.
Heart’s right toward others = inner peace.
Acceptance changes undesirable emotions.
Sad or upset does not change anything.
Solution triangle = Control, Accept, Change.
Little power over – fantasy – accept – changes – steps – fears or negative ideas.
Patience and vision, then act.
Practice.  Things take time to achieve.  Persistence.  

Russ Seigenberg The Gospel Tool Kit

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Wonder Woman


So last week in group therapy we did sand trays.  I love this type of therapy.  Well I don't have a sand tray yet, so I took my Zen Garden and made it into my sand tray for this week.  

Last Halloween a friend of mine asked me what I was going to dress up as.  I said, myself I guess.  He said, Oh Wonder Woman.  I've thought a lot about that statement.  

I was at McDonald's last week with my little ones and they had this action figure there for the Happy Meals, so I bought it.  I wasn't sure at the time exactly what I would do with her, but I knew what she meant to me.

To me being called Wonder Woman means I am strong, smart, have great strength, durability, and can do anything I set my mind to.  

I Can Do Hard Things


I can't stand doing puzzles.  They irritate me!  Besides that I just don't see the pieces and how they go together.  So I decided that I wanted to do something hard.  I went to the dollar store and got a 650 piece puzzle.  I won't let anyone help me.  This is so frustratingly hard for me.  I only work on it until I feel anxiety starting and then I walk away and find another activity.  I guess I just need to prove to myself that I can do things that I find impossibly difficult.  I'm stepping out of my comfort zone to do this.  Sometimes we just need to prove to ourselves that something is not beyond us, or our abilities.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Joy

. . . the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/joy-and-spiritual-survival?lang=eng

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Sunday Will Come

The Resurrection and the Atonement of Christ are the pinnacle events in the history of the world. The darkness and sadness of Christ's crucifixion did not endure. Christ was resurrected, enabling the resurrection of all mankind. In our lives we will have our dark days, but because of Jesus Christ we can have hope in overcoming our trials and ultimately returning to live with our Heavenly Father.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlc5RvmWN4s&index=124&list=PL4E784EC0770935C0

God's Words Never Cease: The Bible, the Book of Mormon, and Continuing Revelation

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland testifies of the truth of the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and continuing revelation from God to His children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_xl_AR0IRs&index=122&list=PL4E784EC0770935C0&spfreload=5

Peace Be Unto Thy Soul

Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke of the spiritual strength that follows when we place our trust in the Lord:
“As we put our faith and trust in the Lord, we must battle our pain day by day and sometimes hour by hour, even moment by moment; but in the end, we understand that marvelous counsel given to the Prophet Joseph Smith as he struggled with his pain of feeling forgotten and isolated in Liberty Jail:
“‘My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“‘And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes’ (D&C 121:7–8).

“My dear brothers and sisters, when pain, tests, and trials come in life, draw near to the Savior. ‘Wait upon the Lord, … look for him’ (Isaiah 8:17; 2 Nephi 18:17). ‘They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint’ (Isaiah 40:31). Healing comes in the Lord’s time and the Lord’s way; be patient” 

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Monday, October 3, 2016

Public School

After dropping my children off at school today and driving away something came to my mind.

I had a hard time putting my oldest in public school and preferred to home school him.  So for much of his early school years that's what I did.  He would have preferred public school, but I refused.  My bad!  With my 2nd child I home schooled him for preschool and part of kindergarten until he decided he was ready to go to public school.  With my youngest child I did her preschool, but she started kindergarten on schedule with the public school system.    

So here is what came to my mind.  I couldn't stand to put my children in school because I felt like they were being taken from me when I wasn't ready to give them up.  I would drive by the school and either not be able to look at it or have really bad thoughts about my children being there.  Maybe thoughts of jealousy or anger toward the school or staff.  I'm not quite sure on that yet.

As a child of sexual abuse something was taken from me against my will.  I didn't want to give up my children against my will.  I've had to anyways as their will and desire was to go to public school.  I'm ok with it now, although I would still prefer to home school my children.

I think it's a protection thing.  I feel if they are home and in my care I can protect them from the world, harm, and danger.  My children need to have good and bad experiences so they can grow and develop and make decisions.  I can't put them in a bubble and never let them have life.  That's not healthy.

So grateful to the Lord for helping me to see these things and for helping me to understand why I am the way I am.

      

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Herself

Flushing Out Emotions

I have been more emotional over the past almost two years than I have ever been my entire life.  I used to express my emotions by just being angry.  Sometimes I would just be quiet.  Since being in counseling and talking about and working through my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other stresses in my life I think I have experience or am experiencing all the emotions that I held in for the 44 years prior to counseling.

As I have thought on this in the past couple of days and wondering why I can't control myself as well as I used to I think I have a reason.  The doors were closed all that time, the flood gates just held back all that stuff.  I feel as if the double doors have been opened wide or the flood gates opened to full capacity.

I am finally being let out of the "room" I've been in all my life that there was no way out of.  Maybe you could say the lake was full to overflowing and the dam flood gates were finally opened to let out some of the water or pressure that was behind them.

It's me running out of that room.  I'm the water flushing through those flood gates after being held back for so long.

It's ok for me to go through all these emotions.  It's ok for me to let them all out.  For the first time in my life I am able to feel and express my inner self.

I feel free to run.  I am finding out who I am and who I want to be.




 

Headache

Had a headache come on that went from my shoulder, up my neck and into my head.  Could have been partly due to the change in barometric pressure as the storm rolled in.  Could have been underlying stress.  I always do a few checks.

Have I had enough liquid and food?    
Am I tired?
Is this something that a light pain reliever will take away?
Can I massage or ice my neck to help relieve the pain?

When all the above is done or fails to help I have a few options.

I can get a chiropractic adjustment.
I can go for a ride in my truck to see the beautiful countryside.
I can do controlled breathing.
I can find a peaceful place and talk with God.
I can take off my shoes and walk through the cool, soft grass.
I can take a hot bath.
I can lay down and relax.

There are so many other things I can choose to do to help to calm my mind and take some of the pain down.  Yesterday I did all of the above except get an adjustment.  I was able to get rid of the pain, although it took a few hours.