Radical Acceptance:
Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe
that they are helping people with their "constructive criticism" or
taking over a project because "no one else will do it right."
They don't see their
controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on--their own anxiety
has run amuck.
Irrational thoughts abound in our high stress world: If I don't get this contract,
I'll get fired. If I'm not home by 6:00, I'm a terrible parent. If I don't get
that raise, I suck at my job. All of these thoughts might be true, but probably not.
Rather than tackle our
own irrational thinking and massage it into more realistic thinking, we attempt
to control the situation, usually by trying to control other people.
Want to know if you're
a control freak? Here are eight signs for your self-diagnosing pleasure.
1.
You believe that if someone would change one or two things about
themselves, you'd be happier. So you try to "help them" change this
behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
2. You micromanage
others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don't
believe in imperfection and you don't think anyone else should either.
3. You judge
others' behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention
until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a
master form of control.
4. You offer
"constructive criticism" as a veiled attempt to advance your own
agenda.
5. You change who
you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just
being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of
you.
6. You present
worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain
behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.
7. You have a hard
time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.
8. You intervene
on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others.
You believe that if
you can change another person's undesirable behavior, then you will be happier
or more fulfilled. You make someone else responsible for how you feel.
The thing is, you are only responsible for you. The road to
better relationships always starts with you.
Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version
of yourself. Here are a few ideas:
·
Be vulnerable with people.
·
Never compromise your self-respect by altering your core
beliefs.
·
Be realistic about your expectations of others.
·
Quit the passive-aggressive nonsense--be direct.
·
Accept that a large portion of life is laced with
unknowns.
·
Embrace confrontation--it really is sometimes the only thing you
can do.
·
Take responsibility for your own happiness.
If you work on your
own improvement instead of trying to control others, healthier relationships at
work, as well as everywhere else, will then come to you as a result.
Most pain (stress, depression, frustration, anxiety) could
be eliminated by letting go of desires.
Our greatest desires are for spiritual growth and service to
others.
Most negative emotions come from our strong reactions
(anger, sadness or frustration) to life not going the way we want.
Practice acceptance of things as they actually are.
Do not have to totally resign, but have courage to change
the things we can.
Accept things I can’t change. Have courage to change what I can. Know the difference.
Don’t resist accepting present reality with a positive
attitude.
You have limited control over other people and events.
Spirituality and inner peace first.
Go with the flow, don’t resist the current. Bounce back.
Cope gracefully with frustrations.
Be a cork in the river.
Guilt ~ Anxiety ~ Inadequacies ~ Past ~ Present Limitations
~ Anger About Others Behavior
Anger = judging others behavior – Vain wish to control our
environment.
Delete should or should not, replace with I wish.
Look on others with compassion
and try to understand their point of view.
Anxiety = cannot accept that unpleasant things can happen
that I do not desire.
Accept and surrender = relax and enjoy.
Do not be self-critical or compare yourself to others =
become more effective in your behaviors.
Let go and live well.
Unnecessary distress = making repeated mistakes = inner
fantasies.
Happiness can exist only in acceptance.
Upsetting situations = Practice radical acceptance.
1. Tantrums
2. Messes/chores
3. Punctual/on time
Russ Seigneberg The Recovery Tool Kit
Acceptance = peace.
Accepting Reality.
Pray to the Lord for knowledge and spiritual strength.
Selfish desires.
Men are that they might have joy, not frustration, sadness, depression, anxiety or anger!
Being a control freak does not allow others to feel like
they can use their agency.
Don’t allow your thoughts to make you miserable.
Accept the truth.
Truth and light. Hope
and faith.
The Lord will provide a way, if it is his will.
Use your intelligence and ability (act) to find solutions
(to problems or questions).
Whom I love I chasten.
Experiences for your good.
Grow from them.
See things clearly with an unprejudiced mind.
Show forth love to those who afflict us.
Faith and humility.
Spirit of charity.
Heart’s right toward others = inner peace.
Acceptance changes undesirable emotions.
Sad or upset does not change anything.
Solution triangle = Control, Accept, Change.
Little power over – fantasy – accept – changes – steps –
fears or negative ideas.
Patience and vision, then act.
Practice. Things take
time to achieve. Persistence.
Russ Seigenberg The Gospel Tool Kit
