Peace And Understanding

So recently that quote from David A. Bednar has been going through my mind.  Also this morning these two songs came to my mind.  I received a package from my sister Tamra full of pictures, death certificates, marriage certificates, and so on.  I opened it up and started to go through it and there was a picture of a baby sitting next to my cousin David, the one who molested me.  It was his sister.  The only picture I know of that exists of her.  She died at about 6 weeks old.  This was in 1964 when people didn’t take pictures like we do today.  It just wasn’t done.  I began crying and am crying still this morning.  I started to put pictures on Family Search on all my family that I now had pictures of who didn’t have a face to go with a name.  That felt awesome!  As I looked through the pictures I experienced many emotions.  Anger at how each generation screwed up their children so badly for several generations back.  Then sadness, understanding, and love.  I asked each of them, How could you do this?  I also asked What happened to you?  Why did you do what you did?  As I went back generation by generation I saw what happened.  I know their stories and their depression, and Trauma’s and horrific lives they were all forced to live.  I know who started it all, and I will be the one to end it all.  It stops here.  I will fight for and protect, and love my children like none of my ancestors ever did.  Then I think, they didn’t have the medication, or counselor, or gospel that I have.  They were spoiled brats, prostitutes, they smoked, drank, and had many men, or women in their lives.  They were selfish, depressed, and lonely people.  They had no one who truly loved or appreciated them.  I looked at those baby pictures, and the ones of all my ancestors as they were growing up, even David’s.  I had such compassion for them.  Such love and appreciation for them.  All that anger was swept away.  I have been given understanding, and am able to more fully forgive them.  I look forward to the day when I can embrace them in my arms and tell them I love them, and that I am so sorry for what they went through.  They all have the gospel now, all except David, and his day is coming very soon.  I feel a peace and love, an appreciation and understanding for so many things in my life, and theirs.  I may not be the one who started this awful mess that my family got themselves into, and allowed to keep rolling on from one generation to the next, but I can be the one to stop the insanity.  I am so grateful to God for bringing these songs, and quotes to my head to help me better flush it all out.  I am grateful for my trials and blessings.  One day I will see God.  One day I will hold him in my arms and cry and thank him for his love and support.  He truly never leaves me.   

“I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of his tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them….The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ….Faithfulness, obedience and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings….I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us….Each of us can have eyes to see clearly and ears to hear distinctly the tender mercies of the Lord as they strengthen and assist us in these latter days.”  David A. Bednar

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
Bright (bright), bright (bright)
Bright sunshiny day
It's going to be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

1.                     1. Guide us, O thou great Jehovah,

Guide us to the promised land.

We are weak, but thou art able;

Hold us with thy pow'rful hand.

Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit,

Feed us till the Savior comes,

Feed us till the Savior comes.

2.                     2. Open, Jesus, Zion's fountains;

Let her richest blessings come.

Let the fiery, cloudy pillar

Guard us to this holy home.

Great Redeemer, Great Redeemer,

Bring, oh, bring the welcome day,

Bring, oh, bring the welcome day!

3.                     3. When the earth begins to tremble,

Bid our fearful thoughts be still;

When thy judgments spread destruction,

Keep us safe on Zion's hill,

Singing praises, Singing praises,

Songs of glory unto thee,

Songs of glory unto thee.