Friday, September 30, 2016


I commit myself to developing the highest level of fearlessness in my life.

I now free myself from destructive fears and doubts

Thursday, September 29, 2016


I know to help with anxiety it is suggested to color.  There are lots of adult coloring books out there, but the designs are to intense for me.  The thing that is supposed to be calming puts me into an anxiety attack.  I have Vestibular Meniere's Disease.  I have a hard time with patterns.  So I have been wanting to do the coloring as a way to be mindful/grounded and at peace and calm, but hadn't found a way.  Then the light bulb went on in my head.  My little ones have lots of coloring books.  The pictures in those are much bigger.  So I started coloring.  I like the pictures that describe how I'm feeling like from the movie Inside Out, or Frozen, or The Care Bears.  I do find that coloring brings my mind to a safe and happy place.  I've even put it into my schedule once a week.  

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Under Construction

My Truck

My truck makes me feel big and powerful.  No one can hurt me in my truck.  Like me my truck was once brand new.  It has taken some abuse in the form of dents, scratches, and normal wear and tear.  If I don't continue to put fuel in the tank and fix my truck a little at a time it will one day stop working.  It's the same with me.  I must constantly be putting good into my brain, and working on fixing myself up one day at a time, so that I don't shut down and stop functioning in a normal way.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Be Still My Soul

Be Still My Soul David Archuleta

"Be Still, My Soul"
(originally by Jean Sibelius)

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Everybody Hurts David Archuleta

"Everybody Hurts"
(originally by R.E.M.)

When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on

Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (Hold on)
If you think you've had too much
Of this life, well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no

Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes

So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts

Younique Retreat Walkthrough

The Younique Foundation ~ Haven Retreat

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Understanding Suicide

Dealing With Depression

Everyone feels down sometimes. But some people have a more serious difficulty to deal with. Here are some ways to help.

Friday, September 23, 2016

I Love And Accept Myself Now

You need to love yourself.  Love yourself so much to the point that your energy and aura rejects anyone who doesn't know your worth.

Thursday, September 22, 2016


Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained that God provides us with challenges that are designed to help us grow spiritually: “Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Proverbs 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain”.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

My Happy Place

Went for a drive up one of  the nearby canyons this morning.  The sound of the stream, the smell of the fresh canyon air, the beauty of the trees & leaves.  Found so much peace and calm there.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Try Something Different

This morning I was in a sadness and loneliness that I just couldn't get out of.  I tried a bunch of things including going to my safe place, but couldn't even really be there.  I decided to set a few goals for the day.  I think I've accomplished all but one thus far.  One of them was to go for a walk.  It was only a short walk about 1 1/2 miles, but for me that's a big deal.  I want to be healthy and exercise, but my body and mind say no way.  Anyways going on the walk actually snapped me out of it.  I walked slow and talked my way out of the sadness.  I guess my point is, when something doesn't work for you, even if it usually does, try something else.    

Positive Thinking

I am worth thinking positively about.

I AM two of the most powerful words.  For what you put after them shapes your reality.

What you tell yourself every day will either lift you up or tear you down.

I was at group therapy last night and these were on one of the handouts. 

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Missing My Mother

So as I was cleaning the house this morning to my mind came the reason for my depression this week.  On the 10th of September is my mother's birthday.  She passed away in 1992.  She was in an explosion and died a few weeks after.  She passed on the 15th of September.  My mother and I were very close.  She was always my best friend.  I miss her!  So anyways, as I was cleaning I realized that this is what set off my depression.  It happened last year as well.  Sometimes it takes me a while to put things together or see patterns.  This was my trigger this week.

I've decided that if I can get away this weekend, then I'll go somewhere to help put my spirits in a better place and to give myself a much needed break.  From now on each year at this time of year, I will try to go somewhere and just get away.  

I'm so grateful that the Lord helped me to see what the problem is or was.  I'm glad that he helped me to come up with a solution so I don't have to go through this year after year.

Let It Go And Find Joy Today

Letting things go is hard to do.  Finding joy is hard to do.  I like these two characters and what they represent in my life.

Joy is what I strive to be like.  Happy, smiling, cheerful, and positive.

Elsa finally lets things go.  I am trying to let go of anger, frustration, anxiety, stress, depression, and the trauma of the past.

Each day as I look at these two figures I say to myself, "Let it go and find joy today".  The more I let go of the negative in my life, the more happiness, peace, and joy I have.

Depression Is Like The Flu

When you have the massive flu you have a hard time functioning.  You are sick to your stomach, pain, vomiting, fever, diarrhea, and so on.

This is how depression feels to me.  Sick to my stomach, aches and pains, no desire to move or get up or eat.

Depression can be paralyzing.  That's what it's been for me for about a week now.  I had no desire to clean, cook, or do much else for that matter.  I was numb and just existed.  Not a good place to be.

This morning I feel like the "Flu" is gone.  I'm better.  Still weak, and exhausted, but able to get up and do some things that I normally do.  Hopefully another day or two and I'll be back to myself, happy and doing well.

Telling Others

So I texted my friend and told him what I was going through.  Not a lot of details, just enough so he would have an idea of what was going on in my mind.  I asked him to pray for me.

When we tell others that we are depressed, or having anxiety it can help.  So since he mentioned to me that telling other people does help. I got online and talked to one of my sister friends.  She understands depression as she herself has it.  She supported me and it felt good getting it off my shoulders.  Then later in conversation with a long time friend I told him what was going on.

Sometimes we are afraid to tell others.  I always am.  I worry they will think I am weird or not worth having in their lives.  Most people don't feel that way.  I'm so grateful for my counselor and three friends who helped me through my depression last night.

I woke this morning feeling good and more positive.

Be sure to share with someone when you are feeling down.      


Part of my therapy last night for my depressive episode was to take some time listing how my Father in Heaven has blessed my life the past few years.  Also I was to spend some time in prayer expressing gratitude to God for all his help in my life.

Expressing gratitude is so awesome.  Listing it out on paper or on the computer makes it visible and real.  Praying to God and thanking him for all his help makes you realize just how much he loves you and is involved in your life.

As I think about the blessings and help received from the Lord it pulls me up and out of myself.  God has been in the details, the small, very small details of my life.  Things that no one else would even notice.

I'll share with you a few of my blessings and helps from the Lord:
A best friend who is always there to lift, support, and help me.
A counselor who has been patient and kind, who helps me to think outside the box.
Time to attend the temple each week.
I've had a greater desire to study the scriptures, and as I ask for the ability to get them done each day, I am granted that blessing.
Food and money to pay bills even when my husband was out of work.  

Just a few examples.  Take a moment to think about your blessings and how the Lord has helped you.  It's a great feeling as you realize just how much your Father in Heaven loves and cares for you.  

Safe Place

My safe places are mostly made up places in my head.  Some of them are real.  Here are some examples.  The beach, the temple, the cabin on the porch swing, my counselor's office.  Sometimes I can physically or actually go there, and sometimes I can't.  Last night I went to my safe place at the cabin.  To get there I find a quiet place all by myself.  I gently tap on my knees, alternating taps.  As I do this I think of me at my safe place.  I take several deep breaths in my nose and exhale out my mouth slowly as I go there.  I allow myself to just be safe, quiet, and have peace while there.  I use all my senses to make being there more real.  I try to smell the woods at the cabin.  I feel the cool crisp air on my face and coming into my lungs.  I see trees, meadow grass, the horses in the fenced area across from the cabin.  I imagine I have a hoodie on and a blanket over my legs.  I feel the swing swaying back and forth.  I sway with it.  I like to always have someone there at the cabin on the swing with me.  They have there arm around me telling me that it's all going to work out, it will be ok.  They tell me I am safe.  Sometimes I even imagine there is a little table next to the swing and I have a cup of hot cocoa sitting there steaming.  When it's time to come back or leave my safe place I always say to my friend, I have to go now.  I start the slow, deep breathing again.  I stop swaying on the swing.  I slowly open my eyes.  When I do I feel so much more peaceful, safe, and secure.  I am then able to put away all my negative stuff and save it for the next time I see my counselor.  



Negative Jar

Had a bit of a negative episode last night.  It's been coming on for a week. I made a negative jar to put away all the bad thoughts so that I don't have to deal with them until I am in session with my counselor.  Then they can come out and be worked on and through.  However, I don't put them away until after I've been to my safe place. I have a few safe places that I can choose to go to.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Clearance Items And Damaged Goods

I was having a quiet moment and to my mind came this.  Sometimes do you feel like you should be in the clearance cart in the grocery store because you are broken, dented, or damaged?  People with depression, anxiety, PTSD, addictions, abuse, and other mental illnesses sometimes feel damaged.  Hmmm. . . not so good with words, but I'll try to explain.  I feel like people look at me different because I am damaged, I've been put in the clearance bin with other damaged goods.  I still have use and am still worth something, but I'm severely damaged.  Usually it's just the outside packaging that is damaged, the insides are still good.  I am a damaged good.  I still was able to make something good out of myself.  It has taken a lot of hard work and progress has been slow, but this damaged package still has a lot to offer! 



This is who I want to be like ~ Joy

Kind To Myself

I need to be kind to myself.  Sometimes when I get most sad or depressed I think of positive things that I am or that I want to become.  It's hard to say nice things to ourselves when we are feeling down, but it really helps.  Here are a few I've thought of in the last day or so:

I am beautiful!
I am kind!
I am helpful!
I am friendly!
I am loving!
I am organized!
I am caring!
I am faithful!
I am gentle!
I am peaceful!
I am calm!
I am pretty!
I am clean!
I am enough!
I am soft spoken!
I am modest!
I am creative!
I am attractive!
I am smart!
I am unique!
I am courageous!
I am positive!
I am fearless!
I am wise!
I am happy!
I am motivated!
I am a hard worker!
I am strong!
I am confident!
I am inspiring!


Friday, September 9, 2016


Could use cookies, cakes, or even pencil and paper for that matter.  We used cookies.  Sugar cookies and our choices of frosting were blue and white.  There were several bowls of candies on the table as well.  We were each to take two cookies and decorate one of them with how we were currently feeling, and the other with how we want to feel in the future.  Both of mine had m&m's on them with smiley faces.  I am currently happy in my life, don't get me wrong, I am having one of the hardest trials of my life, but in comparison to how I was 3 years ago, or even 2 months ago, I am so happy. The cookie that was to represent my future was a happy and smiley face as well.  In my future I see an even greater amount of joy and happiness.  So if you had to decorate two cookies what would they look like, the now and the future?

Thursday, September 8, 2016


I went to the 1st of 10 classes (group therapy) tonight.  I loved it!  Each week they will give us a positive affirmation.  These are powerful and loving thoughts that can boost our spirits, & help us feel in the moment/mindful/grounded.  I like to say these several times when I am depressed, anxious, or frustrated.  Tonight's was:

I will always love, respect, and believe in myself unconditionally.      

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

I Can Touch My Toes

Been doing yoga for about 6 weeks now. Never in my life have I been able to touch my toes like this. Yay for progress!

The Family: A Proclamation To The World

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Monday, September 5, 2016

The Gospel Tool Kit

Use Gospel Tools to Enrich Your Emotional Life!

This book combines both religious and clinical ideas to provide a powerful approach for helping individuals to thrive emotionally. True joy comes from following the commandments and embracing those higher emotions associated with Jesus Christ of love, peace, truth, hope, and humility. Become skilled at managing your inner world so that negative thoughts and behavior do not interfere with your spiritual walk. 
Understand how neuroscience is confirming concepts about the personality expressed in the scriptures and how these breakthrough ideas can help you to dramatically improve your self-management abilities.
The only things we can truly control are our thoughts, attitude, and behavior. Learn how to overcome stress, depression, and ineffective habits using a foundation of gospel principles.

Can Or Can't Control

There is emotional suffering you’ve experienced in life directly in proportion to your efforts of control.

This comes from the Reclaim Hope workbook from The Younique Foundation 

What can you control physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally?
1.       Physically:  I can control my eating, sleeping, weight, looks, amount of exercise, cleanliness of body, breathing
2.       Emotionally: I can control my mindfulness, depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, joy, happiness, kindness, thoughts
3.       Spiritually:  I can control my faith, trust, hope, whether or not I judge or forgive others
4.       Relationally:  I can control my love, trust, honesty  

What can’t you control physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally?
1.       Physically:  I can’t control the natural color of my eyes, hair, bone structure, genetic inheritances, traffic, inflation, growing old
2.       Emotionally:  I can’t control the way others react to me, others thoughts, feelings, and actions, the past or future   
3.       Spiritually:  I can’t control God’s timing, ways, blessings  

4.       Relationally:  I can’t control others words, choices, actions, who my family members are

Finding Recovery On The Road Less Traveled

Finding Recovery on the Road Less Traveled is a comprehensive book about recovery from serious mental illness. The book examines the biological aspects of the major mental disorders as well as offering clear steps for reducing symptoms. The MAPP Recovery Therapy treatment approach incorporates positive psychology, mindfulness, and cognitive behavioral strategies to provide effective tools for enhancing mood and managing stress. Specific treatment strategies are provided for major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia.

The Honest Guys

High Quality Guided Meditations and Relaxation Music/Tools

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Broken Minds Can Be Healed

Don't Feed The Fears

I once saw a sign that said,

"Don't Feed The Fears!"

I thought about that.  I have so many fears.  I think they all stem from the trauma and abuse received as a child.

One way I "Don't Feed The Fears" is that I don't read the newspaper, I don't watch television, and I especially don't watch the news.  If the t.v. is on in the home and someone turns on a newscast, I be sure to leave the room or find something to occupy my thoughts, eyes and ears.  I used to watch mystery or police type shows/series.  I don't watch those anymore either.  I don't even miss them or that part of my life anymore.  

Personal Inventory

As I read over this every other week, I try to improve on the weak areas.  

Personal Inventory:

1.       I believe in Christ and accept Him as my Savior.
2.       I feel confident that God loves me.
3.       I firmly believe that through the Atonement of Christ I can be forgiven of all my sins.
4.       I think about the Savior during the day and remember what He has done for me.
5.       I have enough faith in Christ to obtain answers to my prayers.
6.       When faced with a question or a problem, I turn to Him for guidance.
7.       I have enough faith in Jesus Christ to accomplish anything He wants me to do.
8.       I study the scriptures daily.
9.       I earnestly seek to understand the truth and find answers to my questions.
10.     I cherish the doctrines and principles of the gospel.
11.     I feel a sincere desire for the eternal welfare and happiness of other people.
12.     I forgive others.
13.     When I am around others who gossip I remove myself from the conversation.
14.     I look for opportunities to serve other people.
15.     I say positive things about others.
16.     I am kind and patient with others, even when they are hard to get along with.
17.     I find joy in others achievements.
18.     I wait patiently for the blessings of the Lord to be fulfilled.
19.     I am able to wait for things without getting upset or frustrated.
20.     I have no desire to do evil.
21.     I rely on the Lord for help.
22.     I am sincerely grateful for the blessings I have received from the Lord.
23.     My prayers are earnest and sincere.
24.     I appreciate direction from others.
25.     I strive to be submissive to the Lord’s will, whatever it may be.
26.     I focus my efforts on the most important things.
27.     I have personal prayer at least twice a day.
28.     When extended a calling, I accept and do my best.
29.     I find joy and satisfaction when I work.
30.     When I pray, I ask for strength to do what is right.
31.     I keep the commandments.
32.     I willingly follow the counsel of the prophet and local leaders.
33.     I strive to live in accordance with the laws and principles of the gospel.
34.     I am dependable – I do what I say.
35.     I focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts, and put unwholesome thoughts out of my mind.
36.     I am careful about the things I watch, listen to, read, and say.
37.     I repent of my sins and strive to overcome my weaknesses.

38.     I feel the influence of the Holy Ghost in my life.


Trauma Sensitive Yoga with Jenny Liddiard

Trauma survivors many times will disconnect their brain from their body because the memories are too painful. Trauma sensitive yoga is a way that can reconnect your brain with the body by unfreezing emotions that have been blocked for years. Which in turn, can help a survivor make great strides in their healing journey after sexual abuse.

Weekly Schedule

Many people have a Daily Planning Sheet.  I don't necessarily write mine out every day, more like I have my weekly basic schedule and I add to that as needed each day.

Using a Daily or Weekly planner or schedule will help you to reach your goals and make change easier.

I didn't start out with this much on my list, but I slowly added to it, one thing at a time as the previously added item became a habit or part of me.

Read 1 Chapter of The Book of Mormon and 1 Chapter of The Pearl of Great Price.  Then I use the student manual that goes along with each.  I read that section in the student manual.
Family Home Evening
End my 24 hour fast
Morning & evening, meal, & family prayers
Family scriptures (1 chapter of The Book of Mormon) and a church song  
Piano practice
Hymn & Scriptures.  Here I listen to the hymn and read the scriptures that go along with it

Every other Sunday (alternating):
Church movie with the children
My personal inventory
Scripture mastery
Personal progress
Read and Ensign magazine article


Read a conference talk
Ponderize scripture, poem, quote
Watch a Mormon Message
Family History
Preach My Gospel

Read 1 Chapter in The Book of Mormon and 1 Chapter in The Old Testament along with their student manual chapters.
My Gospel Standards
Morning, evening, meal, and family prayers
Family Scriptures and song
Piano Practice
Hymn & Scriptures
Read Love and Logic book
Zen Garden
Acupuncture every other week

Read 1 Chapter in The Book of Mormon along with its student manual chapter
Articles of Faith
Morning, Evening, family, meal prayers
Family scriptures and song
Piano practice
Hymn and Scriptures
Mental Health book

Read 1 Chapter in The Book of Mormon and 1 Chapter in The New Testament along with their student manual chapters.
Family Proclamation
Morning, evening, family, and meal prayers
Family scriptures and song
Piano practice
Hymn and Scriptures
Patriarchal blessing
Cuddle Morning
Sign Language
Positive Affirmations

Read 1 Chapter in The Book of Mormon along with its student manual chapter
Young Women's Theme
Morning, evening, family, meal prayers
Family scriptures and song
Piano practice
Hymn and Scriptures
LDS book

Read 1 Chapter in The Book of Mormon and 1 Chapter in The Doctrine and Covenants along with their student manual chapters.
Relief Society Declaration
Morning, evening, meal, family prayers
Family scriptures and song
Piano practice
Hymn and Scriptures
Zen Garden

Read 1 Chapter in The Book of Mormon along with its student manual chapter
The Living Christ
Sunday School and Relief Society Lessons
Start 24 hour fast
Morning, evening, family, meal prayers
Family scriptures and song
Piano practice
Hymn and Scriptures
Truck Drive

Like A Broken Vessel Conference Talk

Like a Broken Vessel  --  Conference Talk

How do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love?

Like A Broken Vessel

Jeffrey R. Holland

One in four people in the world will be affected by mental illness at some point in their lives. More than 16 million U.S. adults had at least one major depressive episode in the past year.

In 2013, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland offered his empathy and advice to those facing mental illness. Years ago, when his stress was high and his energy was low, Elder Holland says he “took a psychic blow that was as unanticipated as it was real.” He and others have found that spiritual healing and medical healing work together to form the key to lasting happiness.

“We do the best we can and we manage the situation. But when we’ve done all we can do, we endure. Hang in there and count on light at the end of the tunnel,” he says.

Have you or a loved one endured mental illness? How do you maintain faith in God’s love and Elder Holland’s message of hope?

For personal accounts of living with mental illness, answers to common questions, and other resources, visit

Vision Board

I've been working on putting together a Vision Board.  I don't think it's finished, I still need to add pictures, but here is my start.

A vision board is a compilation of pictures and statements that you see frequently.  Seeing this board regularly will send messages to your brain of what you desire, thus connecting your hopes and dreams to your faith.      

Who I want to become. 
What I want to have and do. 
Where I want to go.

 Calm ~ Breathe ~ Positive ~ Peace ~ Unity ~ Harmony ~ Faith ~ Hope ~ Charity ~ Love ~ Trust ~ Kind~ Patient  Tolerant ~ Obedient ~ Service ~ Spiritual ~ Mindful ~ Education ~ Yoga ~ Walk ~ Swim ~ Exercise ~ Health  Strength ~ Organized ~ Acknowledgement ~ Surrender  Safe Place ~ Friendship ~ Forgive ~ Meditation ~ Joy ~ Happy ~ Focus ~ Caring ~ Smart ~ Supportive ~ Fun ~ Brave ~ Courageous ~ Wisdom ~ Strong ~ Example ~ Diligent ~ Fearless ~ Confident ~ Firm ~ Adventuresome ~ Creative ~ Balance ~ Freedom ~ Worthy ~ Music ~ Foreign Language ~ Responsible ~ Mentor ~ Respectful ~ Sewing ~ Baking ~ Cooking ~ Modest ~ Temple ~ Church ~ Communication ~ Family ~ Respect ~ Prayer ~ Fasting ~ Testimony ~ Piano ~ Talents ~ Missionary ~ Cabin ~ Friendly ~ Beach ~ Mountains ~ Grandchildren ~ Pool ~ Celestial Kingdom ~ Scriptures ~ Righteous ~ Devotion ~ Gentle ~ Soft ~ Endure ~ Constant ~ Steady ~ Honest ~ Pure ~ Integrity ~ Meditation  Mental discipline ~ Encouraging ~ Eloquent ~ Proactive ~

Self-Worth ~ Self-Esteem ~

Meditation Statements:

I am building a new and beautiful me!

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.

My future is going to be beautiful, because I am NOT going to live in my past! 

I will set my own course and pursue it in a steady and healthy way.

Positive Declarations

I am beautiful!
I am kind!
I am enough!
I am strong!
I am safe!
I am thankful!
I am courageous!
I am brave!
I am worthy!

Assisting Others

How am I assisting others: 

I belong to a Facebook group from the Haven Retreat.  We support each other there, and it is a safe place to give and get help, advise, and direction from those who have been through similar trauma. 

As a member of my churches women’s group, I am able to support and help other women through information on how to get help, find resources for reading & therapy, and help them to feel they are not alone by listening to their stories, and sharing my story.  

Those in my life who I am aware of that have been through traumatic experiences or who are going through particularly hard times, I support by taking them meals, being a listening ear, tending their children so they can have time to themselves, encourage them to eat healthy by sharing what I’ve studied and learned about food, validate their need to get plenty of rest, & invite them to do yoga with me.  I try to compliment and uplift the people in my life as they confide in me, and always share with them how much the classes I take, and the counseling I have received has helped me.

I recently started a blog about me and my journey in hopes that someone out there will have hope that they may be made whole, new, and have the life and freedom they have always desired. 

Remaining In Recovery

How am I remaining in recovery:

I attend counseling at L.D.S. Family Services. ( January 2015 to present ).  I was being seen every week for the first year, this year is down to every other week.  I feel like soon I will be able to push it out to every three or four weeks.  As needed I also counsel with my church clergy. 

I continue to attend classes and group therapy sessions with The Family Place, as often as possible.

Recently I had the privilege of attending The Haven Retreat for four days, put on by The Younique Foundation ( ) in Springville, Utah.  A retreat for women who have had sexual trauma/abuse at age 18 or younger.   

I have read, and continue to find books to read on Mental Health.  I’ve read books by Russ Siegenberg, Dennis and Joyce Ashton, and also the Younique Foundation book, Reclaim Hope. 

Mowing the lawn and swimming with my children are my favorite ways to exercise and release stress, but a new practice of mine is yoga and walking.  

A few other things recently learned, or mastered are some breathing, grounding, and drumming techniques that I am trying to implement into my daily routine.

Daily I take vitamin D3 2000 IU (for depression), and an herbal supplement called ElectroMed (for anxiety & depression).  The ElectroMed helps with improved mood, memory, sleep, alertness, and reduction of stress. 

When I need to do something to help me get through my depression or anxiety, I will often bake treats or meals to share with others.  This always seems to help with stress reduction, and gives me a feeling of happiness and satisfaction. 

Music has been helpful in my therapy.  I love to listen to the Old Country Classics, Christian music, and I work at playing the piano.

I keep detailed daily journals of my activities.  I keep a journal on my phone so when I am out and about I can record feelings, impressions, or thoughts.  I have a journal on my home computer, I also have a study journal for my religious studies that I write in.  As I read back I see progress being made, and it helps to give me strength to keep going.   

Every other week I receive acupuncture, and every week a chiropractic adjustment.  This helps with my physical health and emotions.   

Over the last few years I have become interested in photography.  I love to take pictures of barns, flowers, weeds, plants, people, and just about any subject that will be still long enough for me to click the camera.  Often times I’ll go for a drive in my truck to find a place where I can be quiet, feel peace, breathe, and find something still to capture its photo. 

When necessary I go to my “safe place”.  I have a few of them to choose from, so depending on the reason I need to go there, I have choices.  Some are real places such as the mountains, beach, or the LDS temple.  Some like the porch swing at the cabin are only in my mind. 

I also accept assignments at church when asked with a positive attitude and willing heart whether it be teaching a class of children, or women, or speaking in front of the congregation.  Teaching and speaking in front of others is extremely hard for me, but it takes me out of my comfort zone, helps me to become more comfortable with myself, and in some weird way, is healing to me.    

Recently I was given a Zen Garden as a gift.  I love it, and am learning to use it.   I am currently learning how to use essential oils, and am in the processes of putting together a Vision Board.  I have started to further my education by working on some foreign languages (German and Spanish) or new languages (American Sign Language) that I have a bit of knowledge in, but would like to become fluent in.  I am learning and starting to use meditation as a way to have mental discipline.

History Of My Recovery Journey

History of my recovery journey: 

When I was 13 years old I told my mother of my sexual abuse.  I started counseling, and have been in and out of counseling until I was 43 years old.  I never felt comfortable with the counselors, the counsel they gave, or with myself. 

In 1992 my Father, Mother, and Brother were burned in a propane explosion at their home.  This set me back and ignited my fears.  It pushed me on a downward spiral in and out of depression, anxiety, and the PTSD that comes from such a horrific accident, and the sexual trauma received as a child.

I have forgiven my abuser several years ago, and before his death earlier this year (2016) was able to communicate with him, at times in person or via the telephone. 

At 43 years old (January 2015) I started counseling at LDS Family Services.  I have done EMDR & talk therapy.  I feel very comfortable with my counselor and have been able to open up, and work through my traumas.  My counselor set me up with The Family Place where I am able to receive group therapy and a variety of classes.  One class I took from The Family Place was a Sand Tray Therapy class.

About 16 months prior to starting therapy, I had started to improve myself.  It was something a friend said to me that got me moving.  Since then I’ve made positive changes in my life in the areas of spirituality by having a daily scripture study routine, emotionally by doing things that interest me and that are good for me, physically by learning how to eat better and healthier, by walking, doing yoga, and mental well-being by attending classes, one on one therapy, group therapy, and a retreat.